Hugs and Dissertations
January 21st is Hugging Day. If you’re feeling down about your dissertation, research shows that a hug can help, but it’s got to come from the right person…
“Dr. Strickland, I need your help!” The voice on the other end of the line was somewhat playful but insistent.
“Well, that’s why I’m here. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I love my husband, Dr. Strickland, but we got into a big fight today.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” My reply was confused as I began to wonder whether she had the right Dr. Strickland.
“I told him to shut up and that he didn’t know what he was talking about,” the mystery caller continued.
“And, do you know why?” Her apparently rhetorical question needed no reply from me. “He said that I was smart and that I could do it!”
“You mean your dissertation?” I ask as my role in this story began to dawn on me.
“Yes! I’m so stressed and frustrated by this whole thing that I’m yelling at my husband, Dr. Strickland. That’s not me. That’s not us. I really need your help!”
Believe it or not, I’ve had this same conversation with more than a handful of dissertation students. A hug can be a great comfort when you’re stressed or upset, but, ultimately, it’s palliative, not therapeutic.
One of my students completed her dissertation on the types of support dissertation students need to be successful. She focused on remote students, those who were pursuing their doctoral degree online or who had moved away from campus to work on their dissertations.
She found that students benefited from two primary types of support: academic and emotional.
Academic support is all about helping you understand what to do. How do I pick a topic? How do I write a literature review? What does my committee want from me?
Emotional support is all about helping you to believe that you can do it. Changing perspective. Reducing stress. Building confidence.
The problem is that emotional support is only valuable when it comes from someone who’s been through what you’re going through. Military veterans are most comfortable talking about their experiences with other veterans. Alcoholics Anonymous is perhaps the most famous of hundreds of support groups that leverage the experience of the group to help its members.
When your friends, family, and coworkers try to encourage you, their support can be perceived as taunting and stressful in the absence of a shared experience.
When you’re filled with doubt, how do you feel when someone tells you that they have faith in you and you can do it? If the person doesn’t truly know what it takes to do it, their “support” can make you feel less worthy, more stressed, and angry, even.
If you need more than a hug to help you through your dissertation journey, click here to schedule a quick, 15-minute chat with me to see if you’re a good fit for our Fast Track Your Dissertation Coaching Program. If you are, then I’ll invite you to join the fastest group of dissertation students out there and help you to reach graduation a good year or two faster than you would on your own.
